While the public shame is on Mr Spitzer, the big question is “what will Mrs Spitzer do”.
We can read about her on CNN, watch biography show of her on TV, and even read interviews on magazines, but none of us can really know what her marriage is about, and what she “should do” after finding out her husband had met with a prostitute.
Put yourself in her situation.
What would you do, if you found out your husband had seen a prostitute or cheated on you with another woman? Would you leave him? How many times he would have to cheat you that you would leave him? Once, twice, three or more times?
When one of my friend’s husband cheated on her, my first instinct was to tell her “leave him, you deserve better”, but I decided to bite my tongue. Who was I to judge? They had two young children, beautiful house, and she was a stay-at-home-mom. The divorce would have meant selling the house, her getting a job, children placed in day care, among many other things. My friend’s husband was her high school sweet heart, and she was still crazy about him. He was a good dad for the children, and didn’t want to leave her or the family. “It didn’t mean anything” said he. She was hurt, he said he would never do it again, she wanted to leave him, but he pleaded her to stay. She stayed and everything went back to normal in a year or so, and I was happy for my friend for staying with him. Seemed like they were doing great.
But then my friend’s husband cheated her again. This time I wanted to go and beat the sh*t out of him, I was so mad, I saw my friend so hurt and sad. This time it wasn’t as easy to hold my tongue, and we had long talks with my friend.
She is still married, but things are changed now. She got a job and she is building more her own life – maybe even preparing for the life after divorce? She lost 10 pounds and looks great – maybe even to look more attractive for other men? The bottom line, she is still working hard to keep her marriage, but also building her life that it is easier to leave her husband if she chooses so.
Her story is more familiar than most of us women would like to admit. Even if your husband hasn’t cheated on you, or never will. It is so easy to get into that “family train” and be the devoted wife, the caring mother, the home decorator, the family builder. We women want to give our everything for the family, and sometimes: we forget about ourselves. Or we want it all so bad, the career, the family and forget to take care of the relationship we have with our husbands, just because we are busy pumping the milk while having a conference call on phone.
I admit it. Can you? My whole life is about my husband and kids. I have been a stay at home mom ever since I quit eating birth control pills. My last ten years have been all about encouraging my husband in his career, following him around the world while he is building his resume. And I’m merely building yet another home. One day scrubbing the kitchen sink, I sighed to my husband “I wasn’t meant for cleaning” and he says “No, you were meant for shopping and drinking coffee”. And even though it was just a joke, I got so mad. Even though I do like coffee .. and shopping – and my revenge was to spend 100 bucks in new coffee cups! Still, the “joke” stayed with me, and I think it was the day I started writing a business plan for a coffee house and making pastry recipes for pastries I would serve. (I never opened the coffee shop, but I did start my own business).
I guess what I’m trying to say.. We shouldn’t let things just go and assume everything in life will always stay constant – however happy and satisfied in our lives we are right now. Something might happen tomorrow that will change your life for ever. We should have some kind of a backup plan.
But back to Mrs Spitzer. If I was her… I would have gone to the press conference too and stood by my husband, and I would have showed I have dignity. Love, family and companionship? I wouldn’t leave all that behind. But I would make sure there is a new sherif in town now, and things will have to change a lot, and nothing even remotely similar never ever happens again. And I would start making the backup plan, what I’ll do when I divorce the SOB who cheated and humiliated me.
Oh, and a note for my husband: I love you so much, but if you ever even think about cheating on me, the above of course does not apply. I will kick in your balls, back my & kids’ bags immediately and I will even take the TV. Kids will enjoy the Finnish education at the Arctic Circle and you will learn what words “bitch”, “pain” and “suffering” mean.