How the worst in life can become the best in life
I miscarried the baby on Sunday, and I don’t care what you say, but I’m making the best out of it. What? No, I haven’t lost my mind, keep on reading, I will tell you how you can put your life in perspective too. MY MOM TOLD ME TO LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE When I was growing up and broke my leg (more than once), my parents would say “at least you didn’t break both of them” trying to teach me to look at the bright side. Being a 13-year-old sports fanatic, and having a broken leg sucked, and my parent’s comment just made me mad. But after the teenage years, I couldn’t help but notice, I am my parent’s daughter and I have the ability to always find the other side of the coin, and at least a little bit of good in every bad. I didn’t learn this by just seeing a lot of good. I saw a lot of bad. I suffered from panic disorder, my ex-boyfriend was abusive, I went through anorexia; and seeing my Grandmother fade away with Alzheimer’s affected me. SHIT HAPPENS, BUT WHY WOULD YOU STAND IN IT? “When one door closes, another one opens” sounds such a cliché, but not many people live by it. For many people change is always scary, even when it is for the better. The old is familiar; we know the pros and cons, and we’ve learned to live with them. What if the new isn’t any better? Well, if you live your life like that, you will never find out what better things there might be out for you. Shit happens in life, but instead of standing in it, why don’t you get up, wash it off and go smell the flowers (or whatever). Get up. Re-think. Re-evaluate. Make a new plan, set a new goal and do things differently than before. It doesn’t matter if you have made a mistake. It’s OK. You don’t have to live the rest of your life paying for it (well, unless it was a crime and you got sentenced to prison). You can make it better. Believe me, later in life you will not regret the mistake you did, you will regret you didn’t do anything to fix it. You say there are things that can’t be fixed. Sure, when the milk has been spilled, you can’t get it back to the cup anymore – but you still clean it, not leave it on the table, right? There are things that you can loose or break, but if you look around you and see past the bad, there will be something good. Sometimes it just might take a while to realize and find it. When you look at successful business people or high dollar Hollywood actors, do you think their lives has been success after success? Think again. The key to success is not ever failing, it’s the ability to bounce back after the failure. I’m not afraid of failure. Actually I am sort of proud of the mistakes and failures in my life. They have taught me so much, and now I can live the life I want to live. This mentality lets me try new things out. I have learned when I fail, it usually is an opportunity to try something else. This has given me the guts to do “big things” like move to new countries, leave a corporate job behind for personal happiness, start my own business; to “small things” like try snowboarding or order a random thing from the menu written in a foreign language. losing A BABY MAKES ME THANKFUL OF WHAT I HAVE Yes, miscarrying the baby on Sunday just made me thankful. I saw it coming, and in a way, I am just relieved it’s all over now, and our hopes are not up for no reason. Also, since I got pregnant with IUD (yes, the 99.8% effective IUD; I’m in the 0.2%, I’m so special), I would have been scared of the possible harm for the baby from removing the IUD. Of course we are sad, we were all very excited about the baby, but instead of making this post about how devastated I am, this post is about how this is all good. I can’t help but take things in life as Gifts and instead of focusing now on the sadness of losing a baby, I’m focusing on things that make me happy and I can be thankful for. Like my three beautiful children, my husband, my family, my in-laws, friends in real life, and the friends in my virtual life. The healthiness of my family and me, happiness, and love we share. And many many other things. I have so much to be thankful of! THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS AS THEY SEEM This is totally out of my little blog box here, but I would like to tell you a story. A friend of mine sent it to me years ago, and it just kind of stayed with me. Hopefully it will give you the inspiration to see things in life from a new perspective. Two angels were looking for a place to stay overnight and they walked up on a Rich Man’s mansion and asked for a place to stay. The Rich Man said the angels could stay in the barn with the animals. When the angels entered the barn, the Old Wise Angel noticed the siding of the wall was peeling off and he decided to fix the wall for the Rich Man. He worked all night and by morning the walls of the barn looked brand new. The following night, the two angels were looking for a place to stay and walked up on a Poor Man’s house. The Poor Man said his wife was sick, but they would sleep in the barn and give their home for the visitors for the night. That night, the Old Wise Angel took the Poor Man’s only cow to heaven. In the morning the Young Novice Angel was so mad at the Old Wise Angel and couldn’t stay quiet anymore. “I am so mad at you. The Rich Man didn’t even let us inside his house, but you repaired his barn, and the Poor Man took his family to sleep in the barn while we slept inside their warm house and you thank him by killing his only cow?” The Old Wise Angel answered: “Things are not always as they seem. The Rich Man’s barn’s inner walls were solid gold, and I hid the gold with the siding. God wanted to take Poor Man’s wife to heaven, but I sent Him his cow instead.”
Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a strong woman. I know that you know, but I will say it anyway, Everything Happens for a Reason – even the shitty stuff! Sometimes we only see it in hindsight. I am sorry for your loss. You are blessed with the family you have.
I am amazed at your strength and courage through this. I hope you’re doing well…
Your mother was right, but it’s not very often that someone could express themselves so clearly after a loss.
I use the movie “My Life as a Dog” as my inspiration during especially difficult times. I also had a miscarriage, was raped at gunpoint, survived a sinking at sea, but I really feel like one of the most fortunate people in the world. I have a wonderful family and I live in an absolutely beautiful place.
It really is all a matter of perspective. There are so many people in the world that are struggling to stay alive and I just can’t feel justified in feeling sorry for myself.
pinks & blues girls
Katja, this was so beautiful. You are such a special woman and and inspiration to all who are fortunate enough to know you!
s a n s k u :)
No voi juku mutta ymmarran taysin sun fiilikset etta olit huolissasi vauvan terveydesta kun tulit raskaaksi kierukan kanssa. Ehka tosiaan nain oli parempi. Mutta isot halit silti sulle silla jossain sielun sopukoissa on tama varmaan kuitenkin vaikea juttu myos. <3
You are truly inspiring and have a wonderful heart! I, too, feel privileged to know you!
You’re in my thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
(P.S. I know I still owe you an email… I’m trying to figure things out, but I’ll get back to you soon.)
Adventures In Babywearing
I am thinking of you and am, too, amazed that you’re just rolling up your sleeves and just taking care of yourself. I’d probably try to do the same thing! May the sun keep on shining for you!
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
i’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss.
you always seem to have such a great and positive outlook on life and it’s truly inspirational. i like to say that things happen for a reason, but it’s not always easy to believe it, especially when you’re in the middle of something unpleasant. i’m so glad to know you and have you in my life, even if it is only on the internet for now.
Katja – what a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with everyone!
Savvy Auntie Melanie Notkin
Katja, you are inspiring. There are no other words.
Things happen for a reason, true. I am glad you are able to see that so soon after your loss. I hope the kids are taking it as well as you are, too.
Iso, iso kiitos postauksestasi. Sinun upea, vahva asenteesi on minulle juuri nyt tarpeen. Yritän siis tästä eteenpäin ottaa sinusta mallia.
Jos joskus mietit onko tässä bloggailussa mitään järkeä, muista että tänään autoit minua paljon.
Marianne of SCANDICA
My thoughts are with you.
I am sorry for your loss truly I am. Words can not really make things better but to know you have the support of others out there should matter more. I almost lost my son when he was born almost two weeks overdue so I can relate to anyone who has lost a child during,or after delivery. My son went into cardiac arrest and lung failure after he came out of the birth canal, let me tell you I prayed and prayed until my head felt like it was going to explode.
He has cerebral palsey now due to the trauma he suffered at birth. Although the original diagnosis seemed shattering I would not trade any of the experiences bad and good they have made me a very strong parent and an even stronger woman.
You are an inspiration!
I too loved your post, my story seems a little pale in comparison, but I am old enough to know that things happen for a reason, sometimes you wait a long time to find out the reason why, but you will always find one if you look.
Everyone knows with years comes wisdom, you however seem wise beyond your years. Keep up the good work.
Heather (A Mama's Blog- hkjg on twitter)
Great post- just found out today that we can’t move until July for a few reasons- have been wanting to move for 5 years now, and we were this close (again- something always seems to come up.
While I can’t even begin to compare moving w/ a m/c, your post reminded me to think of the bright side, and maybe it is supposed to happen this way- maybe another house we like will come for sale, or the house we want now will come down in price, or the owners will be more eager to negotiate in a few months. I’ll trust it is supposed to be this way.
Thanks for the uplifting words, and again, I’m sorry for your loss, but happy you have such an amazing attitude.
What a great post. I’m thankful you share your life’s journey with me, at least through technology (and hopefully soon in person).
I’m inspired by you and by your writing. Thank you.
Your post was so touching. I, too, have had a m/c, but like you, also tried to look at the positive that it was just supposed to be this way. Thank you for sharing such a personal post.
The Spunky Mommy
Amazing. Beyond words. Amazing. I watched your tweet but didn’t feel like I was “close” enough to respond. You offer a wonderful perspective – one we can all benefit from in our own lives. Thank you. (@myjezi)